I don’t know the average age of marriage in America today, and I don’t feel like looking it up, but I’ve heard it’s much higher than it used to be. Which is strange because I swear to god everybody from my high school graduating class was married within five years. Many of my closest friends weren’t, but by the time my old classmates and I found each other on Facebook, they all had husbands and wives and broods of children. And now, at 29, almost all of my friends are married and two of my three YOUNGER sisters are married (the third to be married this summer). Plus I know several people in their young to mid-twenties who aren’t married and are freaking out about it.
So I don’t know if I buy this rising age of marriage thing. It may not be 18 anymore, but it sure seems to be lower than 25. Somebody suggested to me that it’s because of where I live, the midwest. In other parts of the country people aren’t in such a rush to find a spouse. And if that’s true, I think I’m living in the wrong state.
I have always held that I didn’t want to get married until at least 30. In fact, when I was with my ex and thought we’d eventually get married, on some level I was annoyed that I had met my mate so early (24). Turns out he wasn’t my future husband, so it was no problem, but then I met Mike soon after, at age 28. I’m excited to get married, and it would be silly to wait just because of some “age limit” I set for myself years ago. But it is a little funny that I’ll be missing my mark by only six months (I’ll be 30 this December).
What’s strange is that when I decided on 30 as my minimum age for marriage, it seemed so old and far away. Thirty. I mean 30 was so far in the future, 30 was mature and successful. By 30 I would have had plenty of time to do so many of things I wanted to do. By 30 I’d be a real adult. Thirty was, well, it was just so different in my mind than it is in reality.
This isn’t a diatribe about the dread of turning 30—I’m actually quite unconcerned by the prospect. And I do feel rather content with what I have accomplished thus far. It’s just so strange how our ideas about age change as we…age. The way I picture 50 right now is probably nothing like what 50 will actually be.
So when did you all think you’d get married? Are you glad you got married when you did? If you’re not married, have you passed the “age limit” you set for yourself? And of course, if you’re not married and never want to be, I’d love to hear about that too.
People definitely get married young in Texas. A lot of my friends are still single, but most of my family and friends from high school got married either really young (18, 19) or fairly young (24, 25). I don’t feel old getting married at 29, but I don’t exactly feel like a super young bride either.
Shannon
I feel/felt exactly the same way. I’ve been saying “oh, Im about thirty” in some way, shape or form for at least a year now. I think part of it stems from the idea that getting married at 28 doesnt fit into the image I have of who I am.
On the other hand I was really ready to get married and starting to get really annoyed that my then boyfriend wasnt just asking me already. I think that stems more from “commit to me damn-it!” since we were planning to move based on his job, then a desire to get married specifically.
I’m also shocked by the gaggle of kids, old kids at that, that our classmates all seem to have. Where have they found the time? I dont think we’d see the same thing if we were from either of the coasts.
I think the increase in age has definitely gone up – but I would guess it has a lot to do with what region you live in. Near big city like DC, NY, LA – probably get married older. I am 27 and the majority of our friends are not married yet.
I was 25 when I got married and it was earlier than I thought I’d be – it felt just right to me!
I always thought I would get married young, and have kids young. I was right on one of them, I was 21 when we got married.
According to Wikipedia (and I’m way to lazy to look any further), the average age of marriage in the United States is 27.8 for men, 26.0 for women. This was according to 2000 study results.
The country with the oldest single people is Canada, at 34.3 for men, 31.7 for women.
The youngest is Nepal, at 22.0 for men, 18.8 for women.
Every country shows a younger age for women than men.
My internet-related idiocy prevents me from finding statistics on marriage ages in different areas of the US.
I always thought I’d be married before I turned 30, until I got to about 27…then I started to think that might not happen. And then there was you. 🙂
I always thought I would maybe be married by 35, maybe never. I thought maybe I would have a kid, but maybe by myself. I just really liked being single. Then I met my love when I was 22 (see how naive I was!) and got married at 26 and a baby at 29. Life’s funny that way.
I’ll be 37 when I get married in September and I thought I would be younger like early thirties. There has been a lot of media speculation about black women (I am one) and why many remain single but I won’t get into all of that here. I’m just happy it happened for me, because it is what I wanted.
Oh girl… so many thoughts about this subject! The fact that everyone in your hometown got married young or is planning on marrying young may also have something to do with your hometown (which I will not name).
I never thought about marriage growing up or set an “age limit” for myself. I can tell you that I always pictured marriage as something in the future… the distant future. And I can honestly say that with each passing year, my imaginary “age limit” gets pushed back about another five years. I think it has to do with the fact that the older I get, the older “young” gets, and marriage in my mind has always been something I would get around to doing “when I get older.”
I also think that marriage requires a certain kind of maturity, a kind that I do not wish to seek or aquire any time soon!
Those are just some thoughts, along with the fact that I have contemplated passing on marriage altogether.
I agree with Kt — the age for marriage has definitely increased, but I think a lot of it has to do with where you live. Most of the people I went to high school with who staid in the area (Bay City, MI) are married and have multiple children. Actually, the majority of them got married right out of high school. However, my friends I met in college/when I moved to Chicago, and/or those who left BC, are just starting to get married/have kids (we’re all in our late 20s/early 30s. Life is quite different when you live in a small town versus a large urban area!
I agree with Kt — the age for marriage has definitely increased, but I think a lot of it has to do with where you live. Most of the people I went to high school with who stayed in the area (Bay City, MI) are married and have multiple children. Actually, the majority of them got married right out of high school. However, my friends I met in college/when I moved to Chicago, and/or those who left BC, are just starting to get married/have kids (we’re all in our late 20s/early 30s. Life is quite different when you live in a small town versus a large urban area… there are so many more single people & it’s not a big deal at all. In BC, a woman in her 30s who’s still single would definitely stand out.
I’ve always lived in metro areas, but in niche communities. Many people I know abstain from sex before marriage which drastically drives the average age of marriage in my peer group down. When I was in college, almost everyone I knew was in a serious dating relationship. However, now that I’m 5 years out, 75% of those relationships ended with only 25% getting married right away.
When I was in college I also didn’t think I’d ever want to get married because I didn’t want kids and getting married seemed like an awful big commitment just because. Even when I started to think maybe I might want kids, I still leaned towards doing it alone rather than risking a divorce with kids. My parents are divorced and I’ve always been committed to not doing that to my own kids if I ever have them.
Only in the last 2 years have I started to come back around on marriage. I’m 25 now and hope to marry by the time I’m 30. However, I’m not actively trying to date so it’s my own fault if that doesn’t happen. I’m also more serious about a certain kind of future than just marriage/kids, so I’m staying true to things that limit the sort of person I would date anyway (also called being really, really, really picky).
All this to say: I like to talk about myself on your blog where it’s an open forum with no one from my real life! Thus the really long comments.
I would have the same feeling as you about the “uck, I met my mate at 24” thing. I think you hit your target… your marriage and your 30th are in the same year.
I just remembered something else. My grandpa was 30 when my mom was born and my mom was 30 when she had me, so growing up I always thought I was supposed to have a kid at age 30.
When I count it up now and see that that would be in year 2014 I’m all ARE YOU KIDDING THAT IS TOMORROW. But you never know.
(Or I could “cheat” and adopt an older kid that was born in 2014. Since I want to adopt older kids anyway, it just might work out.)